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请英语高手帮我点评一下我的四级作文(语法、用词)
" Mute English"among Chinese students
A phenomonon of "Mute English"appears among Chinese students because they can't TALK IN English to with their classmates ,friends and foreigners.
There are two reasons for this situation.First ,most of Chinese students STUDY English for their examinationS ,they pay more attention to written testS and neglect of spoken language .It is a failURE to ChinA'S education .SecondLY ,many Chinese students are so shy and unconfident in English class THAT they always LISTEN carefully ,but not put up their hands to answer teacher's questions .
If the Chinese students solve this problem ,as I see it ,they must cover the following points:first ,don't study hard for examiationS,but FOR the konwledge; secondLY,they should pay attention to spoken lanuage ; AT last,if they meet the foreigner in A supermarket or A restaurant ,they should talk with the foreign people boldly.
In a word,learning English or another foreign lanuage is AN interesting THING ,not a burden.WE shouldn't study only for examinationS.
批改英语四级作文
批改者:09 年 12 月 考试,660 分, 作文 132 分
In recent years, more and more large-scale pressure【 pressures,不然后面用 was ,pressure 用单复数都可以。】 were poured on the【the 不用】 college students, flowing【?应该用 reflecting 吧,“反应,说明”】 the importance of huan【human】 resources. We,colleges tudents,realized【must realize,这里应该用一般现在时】 the society that is full of factors of competition, which can hardly step a step into the current society.【这句句法有点问题,建议改为 We , college students , feel obliged to be aware of the fierce competition in society 】
The evil【evil 一般只修饰 devil 吧 …… 太偏激了点……用“serious”好点 】 pressure truly gave 【gives】a prosperitily competative【competitive】 human-resource market for every field in society, hence, there was a age-old saying 【an old saying】 ,which is called "a coin has two sides".【改为 as an old saying quotes,"every coin has its two sides"】 excessive pressure did【does】 really make a "contribution" to the occurence rate of mental disease.for instant, occurence of autism rate are incresinglly happend in graduates. the extramely high rate is of our human-resouce which should be saved for other field as well.
therefore,from my point of view,firstly, to poen【?没有这个词…】 the mental health class can greatly relieve the burden of our competitive environment ,secondly,to do 【to do 改为 doing】 some preworks in the eve of the competative society is also plays a vital
role.
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Though the world has been developing rapidly nowadays, there are still many people who are in great need of help. Helping is not an action which is fullfilled with payment, instead, grabing the chances to give others a hand, we actually gain profit for ourselves at the same time. Of course someone will come up with the question : should the we somehow promote the reward for doing wonderful things. Honestly speaking, this is indeed a quetion.
To solve the question, we should firstly figure out what are we really helping for. Is it just simply about giving for rewarding ? if so, i have to say that you miss the true meaning of helping. But on the other hand , just as the old saying goes: good turn deserves another. rewarding is the kind of activity that is aiming at encouraging, encourages help good things last long
To sum up , in my opinion, we should definitely reward the individuals who have helped others, and at the same time helpers surely should not only help when it is rewarded
看完以后好像明白了题目的意思。。可以看出来你很尽力的往文章里加一些比较上档次的连接词,希望这样能让你的语言看起来高端一些,不过这掩饰不了语句里大量的语法错误,用词错误。
最重要的一点是,不知道是我没看明白还是你自己想的有问题,你的文章逻辑太混乱,论述的论点论据不明确,前因后果模糊。。。
我只是按照你的愿意重新修正了一下语句,文章根本性的结构逻辑问题还需要你自己努力修改
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